we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
