I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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