I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So many bounce houses so little time
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
