did you get engaged???
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
