is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
