is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
