that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
