he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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