Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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