You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
