and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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