Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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