I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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