Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This house was built for laser tag.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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