You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
