Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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