hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
