Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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