I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You can't motorboat a personality
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
