the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
