I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
