you would pick up someone in the library
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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