well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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