i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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