I want to walk on stilts...naked
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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