i need an iv and a liver transplant
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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