the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
