if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
