it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
