don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
