You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
