U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
