when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
