We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
