When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have fence marks all over my body
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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