i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize