Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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