You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
