even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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