dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
