I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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