Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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