... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
