i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
