is your mom at the bar?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize