I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
