drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
