I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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