Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
