no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
birth control should be required to get into college
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
