you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
