you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
