I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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