i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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