I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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