who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
