May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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