omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
