walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
