You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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