Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
