we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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