So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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