i don't plan on having that self control this summer
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
