my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
