I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
