he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
