if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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