My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
